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Peach Creek Headline News
Never Ending Hot Dogs?
Everyone has heard about the big Edd and Jimmy throw down that happened in the "pit" last week. The JBC was at the
scene watching the so called fight as it happened. Eventually I got bored and was about to leave until I witnessed Eddy throwing
one hot dog after another. I began to think to myself, "Where in the world did Eddy get all those hotdogs?" I haven't
seen that many hotdogs since the time Dr. Eric thought it would be funny to dump them on my desk. As I tried to interview
the kids Jimmy went beserk and started to attack Double D in a terrible rage. The kids began to ignore my presence as they
usually do after about five minutes. During the mayhem I went behind the dozer that Eddy was sitting on and to my surprise
I found a large hole with a treasure chest in it. Upon opening the chest I discovered hundreds of hotdogs in it. Being partially
interested and disgusted at the same time I decided to wait until the fight was over. As the fight ended the Kanker sisters
showed up so I decided to hide... I mean find a better vantage point to get the scoop for the story. Upon them leaving I approached
the Eds but was only told to buzz off by Eddy. Seeing that now wasn't a good time for an interview I decided to let it go
this time and check the treasure chest for more information. Upon looking at the chest I noticed some language that I couldn't
decipher. I immediately headed back to the culde-sac to question Rolf.
"Rolf's weiners have been found!?" Rolf yelled as I ended my question.
"Rolf's weiners are a sacred tradition in Rolf's family how dare you spoil them with your newspaper flim flam!"
I can't remember much else after I was tackled but I think its safe to say that the hotdogs were buried there by Rolf
after his bag of bologna was discovered. I'm still wondering why he hid a box of hot dogs buried in a treasure chest in the
middle of the forest but the large bruise on my head reminds me not to ask anymore questions.
~Justin
JBC Staff Editor
News From The Culde-sac
Urban Rangers Face Off Against Kankers
This past Wednesday, the Urban Rangers got into a fight with the Kanker sisters. Once the JBC got wind of this news, we came
to the Cul-de-Sac. But first, how did this all happen? The Urban Rangers were on duty and were going through the woods as
part of their daily duty. They heard people talking in the woods so they went in to check out what was happening. They found
out that it was the Kanker sisters. The Urban Rangers said that the sisters were going to burn the woods. However, the Rangers
stopped them in time, but then they all went into hand-to-hand combat. Well, maybe not hand-to-hand combat. Just a fight.
The boys are currently in Peach Creek Hospital with broken arms and legs. The Kankers, on the other hand, went to the hospital
first, with scratches and bruises , obviously, and then went to the Peach Creek Police Station. They were commanded to do
community service near the school yards of Peach Creek Junior High on Friday. They will continue community service until next
Friday. I arrived at the hospital to interview the injured Rangers. I asked them how they feel after stopping the Kankers
trying to burn to the woods and how they felt fighting with them. Rolf had this to say.
"When I arrive home I will get to shave Papa's back since I am a man now! Ay! My rump feels roasted!"
I then asked Jimmy how he felt. Though, his injuries were alot worse.
"Ugh My back hurts! The pain! Ugh! My ankles! They burn! I felt fear in front of me. I had to fight May! It was frightening!
Her foul breath kept me off-guard."
Finally, I asked Jonny and what he said was surprising.
"It was COOL! It was like POW! POW! BANG! BOOM! BOP! But Plank did all the work, He saved us. Right buddy? He tried
to save his family from getting burned in the woods."
The boys will probably check out on Wednesday. Jonny and Jimmy were awarded for their bravery with the "Defeating
of the three witches badge." As for Plank, he won a prize for his heroic save, putting him from King of the Cul-de-Sac
to hero. Although it is still unclear on how Plank was able to stop the Kanker sisters. Well that's the news and that's all
for me!
~Gerald
JBC Staff Writer
Ed Terrorizes Culde-sac Again
According to sources of no one in particular, Ed has been terrorizing the Culde-sac once again. The JBC heard about this event
when we heard Ed screaming that he was indeed a monster, so being the curious person I am I decided to see what was going
on. "I'm a Monster in a boy's body!" He shouted as I approached Doubl D's garage.
Upon hearing his yells the garage door suddenly flew off striking me in the head leaving me unconscious for many hours.
When I awoke I saw the carnage of the incident. Ed had destroyed the playground, three houses, a tree house, some trees, and
Rolf's shed. The damage has cost the neighborhood a pretty penny, and the locals are threatening to sue Ed.
The reports show that Ed took the kids, and stuck them to his walls with Chunky Puffs.(Again) "It was terrible, I
have cereal in my shorts still," Jimmy said starting to cry. I walked away slowly and backwards before sprinting away.
"He was only trying to be the best monster he could be," Edd quoted. Eddy was too busy laughing for an answer.
I went into Ed's room, and looked at the wall. On it, there still was some Chunky Puffs. I scraped some off and put it
in my pocket for lunch. I then just walked out and saw Ed, still in his monster suit. He then started chasing me, I ran, and
escaped his "territory" leaving the cul-de-sac and heading towards work. When will Edd and Eddy learn to hide that
costume once and for all? While that question may never be answered everyone still wants to know what the heck those two were
thinking.
~Colton
JBC Staff Writer
Business Ed
Rolf Co. On Strike
Rolf Co, the new up and coming company has hit another snag in the corporate world this week. A local strike by Peach Creek's
Eddy has proven to be enough to stop workers in their tracks at Rolf Co. headquarters. The slogan "Rolf's a jerk, ain't
gonna work!" rang throughout the Culde-sac. When asked about his opinion on the strike Rolf had this to say.
"Rolf is confused about this, how you say strike?"
Eddy has been protesting all afternoon after Ed was hired about two weeks ago.
"It just ain't right, Ed does all the work and that slave driver Rolf keeps deducting his pay!" Eddy claimed
as he marched back and forth at the picket line. With no sides coming to an agreement it has been decided to send in a mediator
to negotiate terms for the end of the strike. Edd has been nominated randomly to try to stop the strike and bring the Culde-sac
back to its peaceful setting. When this strike will end no one knows but one thing that everyone knows for sure is that it
is pointless just like everything else going on in this Culde-sac.
~Justin
JBC Business Writer
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