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Peach Creek Headline News
Dr. Eric Finally Nabbed For Malpractice Suits
Before joining the JBC Dr. Eric had his medicine license terminated after hundreds of malpractice suits. He managed to elude
the authorities and lawyers for roughly three years until around the JBC's first closing. However, a few months ago changed
all of that when he was arrested at a Malaysian airport terminal for stealing peanuts. Dr. Eric now finds himself in an unknown
prison somewhere in the United States. The JBC decided to go into the field to get the public opinion. "Rolf is in joy
of this happy news as the boil that infested this Culde-sac has now been lifted!" Said Rolf as he danced in the Culde-sac
upon hearing the news of Dr. Eric's capture. It has been widely known about the public's dislike of Dr. Eric and have been
cases where he was physically threatened or harmed by one of the children of the culde-sac. He himself was also responsible
for a few castrophes involving a few of the homes in Peach Creek. His idea of testing the structural stability of the homes
by dropping cars on top of them caused an uproar of Peach Creek citizens complaining about their roofs suddenly falling in
on them and leaving them a chalky white color after the dust and debris had settled. Although most if not all of Dr. Eric's
experiments were hazardous we can say at least one good thing about him and that is... Well really you can't say anything
good about Dr. Eric. He caused panic and destruction where ever he went. It is probably a good thing that he is in prison.
Here in Peach Creek public support for the JBC has never been higher since his arrest. Perhaps Dr. Eric's only supporter was
Double D who had this to say about him. "I am deeply upset about Dr. Eric's imprisonment. He may not have been mentally
sane but he was one of the only intellectual beings left in this area." Although Dr. Eric won't necessarily be missed
by the JBC or the community it is safe to say that the JBC and the rest of Peach Creek won't be the same without him. So every
issue that the JBC prints out we'll make sure he gets a copy of it. The days of him walking the streets and causing panic
and disorder are finally finished and now the community can rejoice until the JBC causes another major disaster which I can
assure you will happen sometime in the near future.
~Justin
JBC Staff Editor
News from The Culde-sac
The Real Dirt on Plank
We all remember when Plank was declared King of the Cul-De-sac but what was in that photo of him? This has been a question
that has bothered many for a long time, so I decided to ask some questions to some of the kids of the Cul-De-sac. Looking
for a witness, besides Rolf who would quote, "Is it not just a piece of wood?" I looked for the witnesses.
After finally finding Kevin, I asked,"What was it that Plank did one that day in which he became King of the Cul-De-sac?"
"It was awesome," He quotes."Plank was just sitting there, and the was on the Kanker's trailer."
As strange as this sounded to me, I had to go ask another witness, and that witness just happened to be Jimmy. "Jimmy,
what was it that Plank did in the picture Eddy showed you?" I asked.
"It was horrible!" He said."He was sitting there, smiling, and he, he was, he was on a trailer, and he
was smiling, with a rope!" At this point Jimmy couldn't stand it and ran off.
Strange as that was, Plank on a trailer with a rope by him, and how was this strange? Maybe the fact Jonny actually took
a picture in the trailer park was even stranger. I tracked down the next witness on the list, Sarah. Why I had to ask her
I had no clue, but I did anyways.
"What was Plank doing in the photo that Eddy showed you all?" I asked her, hoping for a clear answer.
"He was sitting there smiling, what do you expect?" Sarah asked.
"But besides the obvious, like where was he, what was by him, what was strange about it?" I asked her again.
"He was on a trailer, I don't know why, but he had a rope, and he was straight up standing, and he didn't have a
chip in his head", Sarah said, as she walked off towards Jimmy.
How was he standing straight up? When was this taken? Why did he have a rope? Why was he on a trailer? Who would I have
to ask next? I knew the last answer as soon as I asked myself, Jonny would know, or at least Plank would. Why was I asking
all these questions any way?
After a while of looking, I finally found Jonny and Plank in the sewers. He had a bucket of clams with him. "Jonny,
what was it that Plank was doing in that picture of him on a trailer with a rope, standing straight up, and having no chip
in his head?" I asked.
Jonny started to look nervous. "We all have skeletons in our closets don't we?" He asked.
"Yes, but why didn't he have the chip in his head?" I asked.
"It was the week before he got lodged between Rolf's teeth and got the chip," he said. He still looked nervous.
"Why did he have a rope with him?" I asked.
"Um, he, uh, he," Jonny said, looking more nervous yet. "He was going to try to take their ship in a bottle!"
Jonny said. Plank was still smiling.
"Yes, I see. Why did you take the picture then?" I asked.
Johnny just snapped. "He wanted to be able to have proof that he did it! I don't know why, he told me too!"
Jonny yelled.
I figured this out once and for all, or so it would seem. I still wanted to know why Plank would want proof though. "Why
did he want proof then?" I asked.
Plank says,"I wanted to show my parents that I was brave, but then I didn't because they didn't want me to steal
it," Jonny said.
"Thank you for that information Jonny," I said, climbing out of the unsanitary sewers I had to go into to find
him. That night after cleaning myself off I put my notes together and pieced a very clear image of what he did: Plank got
onto the Kanker's trailer with a rope, he was going to steal their ship in a bottle, he had Jonny take a picture in order
to prove to his mom and dad that he was brave, remembering they didn't want him to steal, he decided not to, and that is what
Plank did. Could this really be what happened? What if it isn't and do you really care? The truth is we may never know unless
the rest of us start to hear Plank. If that ever happens it is almost certain that we're all crazy.
~Colton
JBC Staff Writer
Kevin Injured After Skate Trick Goes Awry
Kevin has been seen skateboarding in the neighborhood lately attempting many difficult tricks. After making a significant
360 stunt, he accidentally stumbled and broke both of his legs and went into a coma. Don't ask how you can go into a coma
by breaking your legs but he did. He was taken to the Peach Creek Hospital to be treated. After the incident, friends and
family around the neighborhood were concerned. Rolf was concerned too. He had this to say,
"What? Kevin has been injured on the board with wheels? Nana! Where is my mallet! Rolf must find that board with
wheels and dismantle it! Nana!"
Many friends of Kevin appeared at the hospital. Eddy, Kevin's rival, also commented on the situation:
"The three-haired jerk got hurt?! HA HA HA HA! Serves him right!"
What shocking words to hear from a terrible, terrible person. It hasn't been confirmed on Kevin's current condition but
it has been rumored that he has awoken from the coma. His two broken legs however are a different matter. No one knows what
caused the accident in the first place and that issue is currently under investigation.
~Gerald
JBC Staff Writer
Dr. Eric's Weekly Words
As promised here is Dr. Eric's weekly words. As you can guess the interview topics will change a lot. This is an actual interview
that John and Dr. Eric did. I must clear up that whatever they say about me may or may not be true. John will enter Dr. Eric's
cell each week to conduct an interview. I hope you enjoy this new section and please send me feedback on this if you like
it or not.
~Justin
John: Well Dr. Eric, ready for your interview
Eric: eh sure
Eric: why not
John: well
Eric: *covers up hole in wall
John:I don't have any questions really...
John: so...
Dr. Eric: nice
John: I'm taking a lesson out of that copy of your procrastination book you wrote that you forced me to buy by deducting
it out of my union fees
Dr. Eric: Two minutes at the top of the New York Times Best Sellers List
Dr. Eric: A defining moment in my career
John: ah yes
John: I remember the tea party you threw in the elevator
John: that place is like a mansion compared to your old office
Dr. Eric: seriously
John: and would you look at this cell
Dr. Eric: that elevator had room for the tables, chairs, and hostages
Dr. Eric: uh
Dr. Eric: guests
John: ah good ol' Dr. Eric. Always letting incriminating statements slip.
Dr. Eric: well I can see this is going to be a very productive interview
John: oh yes
Dr. Eric: you don't mind if I continue my work do you while we talk?
John: Sure why not so long as your work doesn't involve any effort or organs on my part
Dr. Eric: *grabs spoon and continues digging away at the outer cell wall*
John: ah
Dr. Eric: so are you a registered organ donor?
John: I see you keep yourself busy in prison
John: Well this is an EEnE newspaper we need to stop endulging ourselves in ourselves or else Justin will have my job.
John: Have you heard what's happened to the Eds recently?
Dr. Eric: Last I heard they were rejoiced that I was caught.
John: Yeah, but at least Edd put in a good word for you.
Dr. Eric: Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking when I messed with a few of the homes' support beams.
John: What?
Dr. Eric: Nothing, forget I said anything.
Dr. Eric: So does anyone miss me at all?
John: Not really. No ones really said anything about you.
Dr. Eric: I figured as much. I know Justin only has you coming here to spite me.
John: Pretty much.
John: Why do our articles always stray away from what's going on in the Culde-sac?
Dr. Eric: Because we're crazy most likely.
John: I know
John: So is this imprisonment final or what?
Dr. Eric: I prefer the term temporary prison guest
Dr. Eric: I'm running for the Senate actually.
Dr. Eric: I'm running for the libertarian party
John: I can see it now. Dr Eric... I forgot your last name.
Dr. Eric: Me too
Dr. Eric: It's going to be great
Dr. Eric: Didn't you hear about my movie?
John: No
Dr. Eric: I'm starring in an upcoming documentary about the JBC actually.
John: Whose getting the money from this movie if you're in prison?
Dr. Eric: Hmm...I have no idea. I guess it will go to the JBC meaning Justin.
John: So do you have a radio or anything in here?
Dr. Eric: We aren't allowed to have radios
Dr. Eric: We can have computers though. Very odd though.
John: That is strange
Dr. Eric: stop staring at me. It's creepy.
Dr. Eric: If you're done asking questions. Grab a spoon and help me out.
Dr. Eric: I can't take this very much longer. I need to get out of here! I'm going crazy!
John: You're already crazy.
Dr. Eric: Hey those are only rumors.
John: How is it that you're...not in a straight jacket?
Dr. Eric: I didn't like wearing it.
John: Well I need to get going. Um have fun being in prison.
Dr. Eric: Its only temporary John.
John: I'll keep that in mind.
Interview done by John
JBC Assistant Editor
Freelance Articles
A few days ago, innocent little Jimmy was taken to the Peach Creek Prison. Prior two weeks before, Jimmy was charged with
shoe theft. On Thursday the second, the trial began at the Town Hall of Peach Creek. The court session started at 8pm and
went on for hours. Lawyers argued while kids told their stories. Jonny was especially mad and yelled, "You're nothing
but a Greedy Pete trying to steal our shoes!"
All the kids so far bad mouthed Jimmy except Rolf and Sarah. Yet, the Eds were nowhere to be seen. Rolf said during the
court session, "This cannot be. Cry baby Jimmy stealing shoes? Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!!!! You cramp Rolf's bowels."
Also, Sarah refused to believe that Jimmy was a shoe thief. "What do you idiots know? Jimmy would never do such a thing!"
Then, Jimmy broke into conversation. "Actually Sarah", said Jimmy, "Remember the day you lost your shoes and
then you found them three days later?" Sarah suddenly froze with fear, totally jaw dropped.
Kevin had this to say, "That kid was a freak. He creeped me out, and he was always getting bandages." As you
may have noticed, Jonny was irritated by the charges. He blurted out, "Jimmy was a mean, selfish, inhumane kid! He put
the neighbor's dog to sleep! He would torment Plank, and the only defense Plank had was splinters. Jimmy would run to Sarah
to blame Plank. He even stole Plank's mold pills. I wish I could give him all the wedgies he gave me." Even though most
of these claims can't be backed up the kids still wanted to testify Jonny's comments, but there was nothing they could do.
The jury almost made a decision, but half of them were undecided. Soon a popular vote was taken in the court. One jury
member, Kent Webb began to announce the verdict when a couple of people entered the room. One familiar voice said, "It
may not be in my person, but Jimmy deserves to be jailed." The person was Edd. Ed and Eddy came in too. "He called
me ignorant" Ed called out. Eddy was ready to tell the jury everything he went through.
Eddy really dissed Jimmy. "Yeah that kid is bad news," continued Eddy, "I taught him everything I knew
about scamming!" "You didn't teach him to steal shoes, did you?" asked the Judge. "Heck no!" Eddy
said, "Stealing shoes is for girls." "You've got something to say to me?!!?" shouted Sarah. "Order!
Order! Continue, Eddy", said the Judge.
Eddy continued with, "I taught him everything, but he gave me no credit. He DIDN'T give me ANY credit",said
Edd correcting Eddy's grammar. "Just tell the story!" said the judge. Eddy continued, "As I said he didn't
give me any credit, and I got in trouble because of it." "YOU LIAR!" said Sarah. "You had your chance,
Sarah," said the judge. Eddy yet again continued, "On the Friendship Day, Jimmy framed us for the destruction found
at the cul-de-sac." "Well, you gave me a wedgie!" Screamed Jimmy. "HE ADMITS IT!!!" screamed Kevin.
"But the wedgie hurt!" Shouted Jimmy.
Has the innocence of the Culde-sac vanished? Will Jimmy be jailed for life?" Did you seriously follow everything
that has been said?
~Blake
JBC Freelance Writer
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