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Peach Creek Headlines
Peach Creek Pool Disaster
Chaos erupted at Peach Creek Community Pool earlier this week as the water began to turn a murky brown color. At first the
facility's staff and teachers thought there was a sewage back up. That's probably the most disgusting thing I've heard. But,
luckily it wasn't sewage and it was later found out to be instant gravy. School staff points their fingers at Ed, Edd, and
Eddy. Why would they accuse the Eds? The answer is very simple its because when anything goes wrong its safe to say that the
Eds are somehow behind it.
"Its all Ed's fault I swear! It was 7 a.m. I was trying to catch some z's during swim class!" Says Eddy who
was accused of the liquid brown mess. Its been known far and wide that Ed can't resist gravy and it does seem possible that
he would do something like this.
"Anyone have any mash potatoes?" Says Ed who was too busy eating the gravy to answer any of our questions. The
gravy caused many of the swimmers bathing suits to turn a dark brown color in fact ruining most of them.
"its not fair this was a brand new bathing suit and now its ruined!" Claimed local Peach Creek's fashion enthusiast
Nazz.
The amount of damage done to the pool filter and the siding of the pool will cost any where from two hundred to three
hundred dollars to repair or replace. Until then will someone please pass the gravy?
~Justin
JBC Staff Editor
Power out in the Culde-sac Causes Panic
Last night power in the cul-de-sac mysteriously went out, and the local residents were in panic. Local Ed claimed "Mole
Mutants" attacked the cul-de-sac. As any good (Or bad in my case) news reporter does, I first investigated the sewers.
Well, all I know is that I still have sewer water in my shorts... but that's another story. Well, upon further investigation
I found many drawings on the sewer walls. Mole Mutant, or Ed-boy scam I wondered. Well, I took some photos, and all I can
say now is that they showed a mole eating a jawbreaker, and then a man using a Mole Mutant like tool on it. I first decided
to ask the Eds. I remember now Edd claiming, "There are no Mole Mutants, it's an urban legend!" Accurate, or cover
up? I decided Ed would know.
"Mole Mutant drawings!" He quoted, then running to his house in fear. Now, of course, I know Eddy would probably
know, and I was hoping it was just a scam. Well, believe it or not, he claimed "Mole Mutant drawings huh? Well, I didn't
draw them, I bet shovel chin did" I didn't believe him one bit, but thought it couldn't hurt to ask Kevin.
I asked Kevin about the drawings. "Yeah, I saw them while me and Rolf were getting the power back, he said they were
Mole Mutant drawings." I then asked Rolf who simply said "Mole Mutants of the great Yeshmiyeck have returned? Rolf
must flee!" I decided that it could have been both, and then continued to work.
Beware, as mole mutants will drain the marrow out of your bones after taking you to their lair! And stay on the look out.
The answer to what happened: This is still an unknown answer, when the answer comes, it will be too late. Far too late to
warn anyone about the Mole Mutants.
Editor's Comment: Colton's berserk rambling is not necessarily the opinion of the Jawbreaker Chronicle.
~Colton
JBC Staff Writer
Sports Ed
Suspects Found in Kevin's Accident
After weeks of analyzing and looking for the suspects who injured Kevin while he was doing a dangerous trick all have been
found! Double-D, the head coordinator of evidence and analysis, has finally found the perpetrators. As you may know, the suspects
were Rolf, Jimmy, Sarah, Jonny, and Marie. The five suspects' fingerprints were on Kevin's skateboard, when Double-D was analyzing
it. Over the weeks after the fingerprints were found, Double-D interviewed the suspects. This week, I came to Double-D's house
to talk about who were the perpetrators. That's right people. There are more than one person.
While interviewing Double-D, he had this to say.
"Well Gerald, I used the lie detector in order to detect any lies.(Go figure)I had to fix the lie detector in order
for it to work, because I used it on Jonny before when I was trying to see if he was telling the truth that he stole my magnifying
glass and Sarah's doll. Well I was wrong. Anyways, I found the culprits. They are Jimmy and Sarah. Somehow they said they
had to get revenge on Kevin because Kevin was disrespecting them as little kids.
Jimmy and Sarah, aka Thelma and Louise, aka Bonnie and Clyde, aka...okay I sorta went off-topic there. Anyways, I interviewed
the suspects one my interview with Double-D was done.
Sarah responded, "GET OUT HERE FISH FACE! IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"
Jimmy said, "I'm so ashamed! I can't show my face! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!"
Well, there you have it. The suspects have been found. Everything is back to normal. Sarah and Jimmy are currently sitting
in time out, aka the Pit of Shame, which is located in...I don't know. Well, that's the news and that's all for me.
~Gerald
JBC Staff Writer
Dr. Eric's Weekly Word
We finally bring you another continuing installment of the random and off topic discussion Dr. Eric's Weekly Word. Just to
let everyone know they barely ever stay on topic about the Eds. Such is the price of a low budget.
John: Doc 'Ric
John: ready for that Int'view?
Dr. Eric: I was wondering if you'd ever return for another interview
Dr. Eric: I've been talking to a wall for two days straight
John: yea it can get lonely in a cell
John: but hey you have more spots of wall to talk to than in the office
Dr. Eric: that's true
John: got any questions?
Dr. Eric: what are you talking about?
Dr. Eric: you're the interviewer
Dr. Eric: you're supposed to have the questions
John: hey man, that was a question.
John: and I just have to conduct an interview
John: it probably shouldn't matter who interviews whom
Dr. Eric: well then
Dr. Eric: I will try and answer your answers in the form of a question from now on
John: good
Dr. Eric: are you sure it's good?
John : I have a feeling it is quite good
Dr. Eric: is that possible?
John: No infact it is not
John: because I'm not feeling anything but your hand uncomfortably placed on my shoulder
Dr. Eric: that's not my hand
Dr. Eric: that's my cellmates hand
John: Well look it's Bubbah
John: This interview brought to you by, Hubba Bubba!
Dr. Eric: lies.
John: what's your horoscope predict?
Dr. Eric: my release from prison I hope
John: aha
John: good luck
John: that's tarot's silly
Dr. Eric: meh
John: I was talkin to bubbah
Dr. Eric: oh ya?
Dr. Eric: he's crazy
John: yeap
Dr. Eric: he talks to people
Dr. Eric: people who aren't there
Dr. Eric: HE'S MAD I TELL YOU
John: I KNOW RIGHT
John: AT LEAST WE TALK TO INANIMATE OBJECTS
John: WHAT A FREAK
Dr. Eric: you clearly don't exist
John: oh it's so obvious
Dr. Eric: obviously
John: let's not be redundant today
John: I repeat
John: let's not be redunant
John: ok
John: let's not repeat ourselves
Dr. Eric: ok
Dr. Eric: fine
John: like I said before
John: we don't wanna get repetative here
Dr. Eric: no we wouldn't want that now would we?
John: no we wouldn't
John: because that would make the readers realize they're getting the same stuff each week
Dr. Eric: seriously
Dr. Eric: are they that dim?
John: quite
John: soooooo
Dr. Eric: so
John: do re mi fa SOOOOOO
Dr. Eric: how clever...
John: indeed
John: I gotta edit that out the readers won't get the joke
Dr. Eric: no they wouldn't
John: indeed
-20 minutes later-
John:... just want the readers to know for the last twenty minutes there's been an awkward silence
Dr. Eric: it was awkward
Dr. Eric: john was staring at my cell mate
Dr. Eric: it was creepy
John: I was not
John: come on
-20 minutes later-
John: and another 20 minutes of awkward silence
Dr. Eric: ya
Dr. Eric: why not
-45 Minutes Later-
John: yeap...
Dr. Eric: you're still here??!?!?
John: yea sorry I fell asleep
Dr. Eric: didn't notice you there
Dr. Eric: .....go away
John: Alright
John: well
Dr. Eric: here's a gift basket
Dr. Eric: thank you for visiting
Dr. Eric: goodbye
John: It's addressed to the governor...
John: For the JBC, I'm John.
Dr. Eric: and still from prison
Dr. Eric: I'm Dr. Eric
Interview conducted by John.
JBC Assistant Editor
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