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Peach Creek Headline News
JBC Gauges Public Opinion
Its been a while since the JBC first moved into the Culde-sac and I felt that it was time to gauge the public opinion on what
the people of Peach Creek think of the JBC. With very high hopes I walked out of the building and towards the Culde-sac where
the kids were gathered at. As I approached them they all stopped doing what they were doing and stared at me. I proceded to
greet them but didn't receive any response back. They all soon dispersed and began walking away leaving me standing in the
Culde-sac.
Seeing as I had no luck with an indirect approach I decided to go with a more direct approach and try to interview
a view people. I caught many of them unaware and asked the same question. What do you think of the JBC?
Eddy: Are you the guys that constantly get me in trouble and ruin all of my great scams?
Justin: Um... well its mostly John's fault.
Eddy: You guys are pests!
Edd: I think the JBC is just spiffy. I think it's great that you publish this great publication in our humble town. Thank
you very much.
Rolf: What is this how you say JBC?
Justin: Its a newspaper Rolf, you know we cover the news about the Culde-sac.
Rolf: Oh, but of course the JBC yes. Rolf does not understand your words good day.
Kevin: You guys are alright I guess. You saved me money anyway from falling for any of dorky's scams.
Jimmy: Sarah! He's back again, I'm going to faint!
Sarah: What did you do to Jimmy!?
Justin: Sarah I was just asking a quest...(Gets pummeled with a book.)
Well not the type of reactions that I wanted but what else can a guy do? As the JBC reaches fifty total issues not much
has changed in the fact that most of the people of Peach Creek either hate us, tolerate us, or just don't know who the heck
we are. Well I'm tired and my eye hurts from the book that is currently lodged in it. So loyal readers or just people who
are bored out of their mind make sure you keep reading and we'll be sure to keep writing when we feel like it.
~Justin
JBC Staff Editor
News from the Culde-sac
The Eds Take Blame for Numerous Damages
For the last month, the Eds have damaged many pieces of school property; including the bus seats being removed, holes in the
roof, the copier damaged, and the list gets longer. They a currently in court for this and more. Edd claims he had nothing
to do with it, but according to the school he can be held somewhat responsible for some of these damages. Ed claims to have
done it, but only because Eddy told him to. Eddy's just saying it was Kevin. Luckily, I was able to go to the courtroom and
write notes on what's going on. At the court, Edd was using his legal knowledge to be the Ed's lawyers seeing as they couldn't
afford a real lawyer. "It's insane! They had the other kids who hate Eddy as witnesses! I know for a fact some of them
lied trying to get us in trouble!" Edd quoted halfway through the court case when I asked him how it was going so far.
I then went on listening to the court go on. Eddy was accused of causing the wall by the news room to be damaged, the
bus seats removed, holes in the ceiling, the fence broke, and more damages that took a total of five minutes for the judge
to list. Eddy denied most of them, and then claimed that Ed did it all. "Eddy made a hole in the wall!" Ed yelled
pointing at Eddy. The judge labeled him as guilty on that one. Later on when it went to the ink maker flooding the art room
on Valentines Day, Eddy claimed he didn't try to. Ed remembered that Eddy tried to get Edd to get over there and help them,
but Edd didn't. Edd admitted that happening, and was labeled guilty on that charge.
"It was so stupid! I didn't even do half the stuff I was blamed for!" Eddy quotes.
The judge went on to reminding the public of the Peach Creek Pool's "Gravy-fying" from Ed and Eddy. Eddy protested
that Ed did it all, and Edd supported him on that. Ed admitted, but claimed it was an accident. He was labeled guilty.
An hour later after witness reports on the fence breaking, Ed and Eddy claimed that there was a mob of kids behind the
two of them. Edd later confirmed it when he showed live video footage of the kids chasing the Eds through the fence. The kids
that were attacking the Eds were sentenced to community service. Later on the court went onto the incident with the hole in
the boy's restroom. Ed claimed he didn't see it, and Edd agreed, stating that Eddy was tricking him into running into the
wall. Eddy was labeled guilty.
The last thing that they were accused of was the removal of the bus seats. Edd admitted Eddy did it, but it was his fault
that they were close enough to grab the seats. Then Ed claimed his sister and Jimmy were in danger, but then the judged labeled
all three guilty. At the end of the trial, they were labeled guilty and sentenced to a year of community service. Eddy quoted
"I can't believe half this stuff happened to us! I didn't even have anything to do with some of these!" And I just
told him "Right," and left. If you see one of the Eds picking up garbage, drop in and say hi all the same everyone.
~Colton
JBC Staff Writer
Jimmy's Mysterious Rash
This past Tuesday, Jimmy was, again, sent to the hospital and had to be seriously medicated. Why? Well on Tuesday, Eddy scammed
Jimmy into buying plants, plants Eddy didn't know about. While Eddy was showing Jimmy his plantation store, Jimmy touched
a plant he shouldn't have touched and did not know. Jimmy accidently touched a Poison Rashivey, which is unusual because
we haven't heard of this type of plant. Anyway, Jimmy began running around scratching himself in front of the neighborhood
kids. It was also said that he also got a bruised nose due to the fact a he was running around like a crazy decapitated chicken
and ran into a door, breaking his nose. But that's not important. He got an ALL-BODY RASH! Ahem. Moving on. I asked the kids
about how they feel about Jimmy being in this position of circumstances.
Sarah said, "I AM SO MAD AT EDDY DOING THIS TO POOR JIMMY! Move it fish-face, I gotta go find a mallet!"
Creepy! I then asked Nazz. She had this to say. "Oh! Poor Jimmy! I feel so sorry for him. I better go make a card
to make him feel better." Ah! What wonderful words coming from a wonderful girl. Eh! Back into topic! I finally asked
Rolf and he said pretty creepy stuff!
"I feel very sorry for the little Fluffy. I must ask Nana and Papa to make him the Platypus Stew. Ah. It will make
him feel better."
Ugh. I bet that will make Jimmy even more sick, he'll have to stay in the hospital the next nine months. For Eddy, he
was pounded by Kevin and Rolf and was knocked out by Sarah and her giant mallet. Jimmy will be medicated in hospital for a
while and he will probably be checked out in a few weeks or so. For JBC News, I'm Gerald. That's the news and that's all for
me.
~Gerald
JBC Staff Writer
Well, Dr. Eric is finally back sadly, despite the mass amount of protests hes back. So here is installment five of Dr. Eric's
Weekly word.
Dr. Eric's Weekly Word
John: Doc 'Ric
John: ready for that Int'view?
Dr. Eric: I was wondering if you'd ever return for another interview
Dr. Eric: I've been talking to a wall for two days straight
John: yea it can get lonely in a cell
John: but hey you have more spots of wall to talk to than in the office
Dr. Eric: that's true
John: got any questions?
Dr. Eric: what are you talking about?
Dr. Eric: you're the interviewer
Dr. Eric: you're supposed to have the questions
John: hey man, that was a question.
John: and I just have to conduct an interview
John: it probably shouldn't matter who interviews whom
Dr. Eric: well then
Dr. Eric: I will try and answer your answers in the form of a question from now on
John: good
Dr. Eric: are you sure it's good?
John : I have a feeling it is quite good
Dr. Eric: is that possible?
John: No infact it is not
John: because I'm not feeling anything but your hand uncomfortably placed on my shoulder
Dr. Eric: that's not my hand
Dr. Eric: that's my cellmates hand
John: Well look it's Bubbah
John: This interview brought to you by, Hubba Bubba!
Dr. Eric: lies.
John: what's your horoscope predict?
Dr. Eric: my release from prison I hope
John: aha
John: good luck
John: that's tarot's silly
Dr. Eric: meh
John: I was talkin to bubbah
Dr. Eric: oh ya?
Dr. Eric: he's crazy
John: yeap
Dr. Eric: he talks to people
Dr. Eric: people who aren't there
Dr. Eric: HE'S MAD I TELL YOU
John: I KNOW RIGHT
John: AT LEAST WE TALK TO INANIMATE OBJECTS
John: WHAT A FREAK
Dr. Eric: you clearly don't exist
John: oh it's so obvious
Dr. Eric: obviously
John: let's not be redundant today
John: I repeat
John: let's not be redunant
John: ok
John: let's not repeat ourselves
Dr. Eric: ok
Dr. Eric: fine
John: like I said before
John: we don't wanna get repetative here
Dr. Eric: no we wouldn't want that now would we?
John: no we wouldn't
John: because that would make the readers realize they're getting the same stuff each week
Dr. Eric: seriously
Dr. Eric: are they that dim?
John: quite
John: soooooo
Dr. Eric: so
John: do re mi fa SOOOOOO
Dr. Eric: how clever...
John: indeed
John: I gotta edit that out the readers won't get the joke
Dr. Eric: no they wouldn't
John: indeed
-20 minutes later-
John:... just want the readers to know for the last twenty minutes there's been an awkward silence
Dr. Eric: it was awkward
Dr. Eric: john was feeling up my cellmate
Dr. Eric: it was creepy
John: I was not
John: come on
-20 minutes later-
John: and another 20 minutes of awkward silence
Dr. Eric: ya
Dr. Eric: why not
-45 Minutes Later-
John: yeap...
Dr. Eric: you're still here??!?!?
John: yea sorry I fell asleep
Dr. Eric: didn't notice you there
Dr. Eric: .....go away
John: Alright
John: well
Dr. Eric: here's a gift basket
Dr. Eric: thank you for visiting
Dr. Eric: goodbye
John: It's addressed to the governor...
John: For the JBC, I'm John.
Dr. Eric: and from prison
Dr. Eric: I'm Dr. Eric
~Interview conducted by John
JBC Assistant Editor
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